So, when I arrived home from work last night, I saw something big and white waddling around my backyard. Naturally, I just assumed this white animal was just another stray kitty, that I would happily try to feed and befriend. However, upon further inspection, it was NOT! The mystery animal was, in fact, a possum!
The possum looked a little like this guy.
Like a normal person, I was freaked out and ran away from the fence, pronto. After a few moments, I thought it would be safe to unleash the beast (my dog) into the backyard to do her nightly ‘business’. Again, I was wrong. The backyard was not safe.
The damn possum was still chillen’ in my yard. And, of course, my damn dog discovered this monster, strolling through the bushes. G, my dog, then continued to sniff this animal and followed it throughout the entire backyard, neglecting my screams to return to the house immediately.
So, in an attempt to save G from a lifetime of possum diseases and myself from a veterinary bill that would leave me bankrupt, I decided to enter ‘The Ring of Marsupial’. As I ran across the arena to save G, naturally, I slipped and fell on a pile of soggy dog poop. However, knowing my end goal, SAVE THE DOG (and my pocketbook), I got up and continued onward like a wild banshee.
As I approached the standoff, I witnessed my dog curiously sniffing the hysterically hissing possum. I then grabbed my little baby G by the waist, lifted her like little baby Simba and ran her to safety like a mad woman. After I was able to safely return G to my lion’s den, I realized a few things:
1. I really need to start paying someone to clean up G’s backyard ‘business’.
2. I ain’t afraid of no possums.
3. My dog definitely was nicer to that damn possum than she is to my cats. No joke.
4. Why the hell was there a possum in my backyard?
This is my wild beast G, who was almost viciously attacked by the ferocious possum and she is also the beast who is leaving soggy dumps all over my yard.