Have you ever felt so sick that you literally thought that you might have to shit your pants? Like, you start to feel nauseous? You get the sweats? Your face turns an odd shade of pale? Then, facial contortions happen as you try to hold back you immediate and intense abdominal discomfort?

Damn, I am getting stomach cramps just thinking about it. But, no? This has really never happened to you?

Well, unfortunately, I have had this specifically weird scenario happen about once a week for many years. For example, when I was 17 years old driving to work, I will never forget the feeling of my stomach churning. I was preparing to turn off of Columbia Road and onto Lorain Road, and seriously debating whether or not I should poop my pants? It was awful. I mean, at some point, the stomach pains had to commence. Right?

Fast forward 11 years later and I just recently had the same experience. I do not mean to be crude or anything, but I know we have almost all been there. You know, it is similar to that feeling you get when you think you are about to vomit all over the place? Well, this is the same thing. Except, I feel like I am about to create a “la splat” in my pants, instead of in the toilet or a cleaning bucket. The worst.

Yesterday, when I was preparing to do some light shopping and grab a bit to eat, as I pulled into the parking lot, I literally debated pooping in my pants. I really did NOT think I was going to make it. I basically felt like Charolette, from Sex in the City, when she “poughkeepsied” in her pants while on vacation in Mexico. Luckily, I was able to race through the parking lot, land a spot, and run like the wind to defecate in an actual toilet. Praise.

What is the point of my current over sharing?

Oh, just that having Irritable Bowel Syndrome is hell.

Anyone else know what I am talking about?


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