WEIRD BLOG ALERT: FU Victoria’s Secret

Ladies, I have had it with Victoria’s Secret (VS) bras and underwear. Yesterday, I purchased a bra and a pair of underwear from the overpriced retailer and I was left in a puddle of tears. For both items, I purchased what would be an equivalent to a medium bra and a large bottom, which is typically what I wear. As I returned home to try on my new products, I found myself feeling overwhelming insecure about my body, as neither product came even remotely close to fitting.

I work out regulary and consistantly. I eat insanely well, minus the random indulgance, like a taco or a slice of pizza. I am a very healthy, athletic and curvy size six, some days an eight, depending–you know the deal (a.k.a I have eaten too much, I am mestrating, or which store I am shopping at)! I love my body and I work my tail off to keep my womanly figure, simply so that I can feel good about myself. But, here I am bawling my eyes out like a child because this medium bra and large underpant, which should fit, felt like they should be on my childhood barbies, instead of my adult body. To me, the fact that I cannot fit into products at VS, which has a monopoly on the entire undergarment game is absolutely ridiculous. Underwear and bras are now synonomous with the Victoria’s Secret brand.

In addition to not fitting into VS products, for a company that specializes in tit sizing, I have yet to meet an associate who can offer me a bra size that allows my ladies to sit at the breast level. Instead, every bra I am given to try on makes my ladies look like I have underarm back boobs. Essentially, I am motorboating myself in the fitting room. Neither is a look that I am attempting to achieve.

Whatever happened to just having a bra, that held your tits in place, where they are suppose to be? Is comfort not trendy anymore? Also, VS, there are two boobs, not one. I do not need my breasts to sit so closely together that I have to question how many are there! It is two, right?

I have a few points to this weird rant. One, if I am a healthy average adult, I would like to apologize to all women who are a range of sizes, who cannot find clothing to wear that makes them feel included and sexy. The only time in my life that I have ever felt excluded by the retail world was on Monday night after making my VS purchases. I never want to feel that way again. I truly cannot imagine feeling insecure on a regular basis, simply because I cannot find clothing that fits. So, FU VS for making clothing that is meant for infants, but marketing the products to adults.

Point two, and I hope every woman hears me loud and clear: Your figure is not the problem. Your curves, your features, your athletic build, your cellulite, your dimples, your whatever ‘it is’ that you are not feeling 100% about, in regards to your body, just embrace it. Of course, if there is something you would like to change for yourself, DO IT! However, chances are, your body is not the problem and retailers who are not inclusive, like VS are at the root of the issue.

Point three, will someone please tell me where one is buying her undergarments? I simply can’t be the only female who is having an issue purchasing bras and underwear that do not make one feel like a stuffed sausage and at a reasonable cost. Yes, that is where I am at, stuffed sausage status. And, in an effort, never to feel like a piece of breakfast foods again, I will no longer be shopping at VS, so any undergarment suggestions, would be greatly appreciated.

Okay, thanks!

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^Me trying to find a bra that fits!

 

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Responsible Behavior

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Today, I left my house for work. Ten feet into my commute and BAM I have a flat tire.

I call the tow company. We will be there in 20-30 minutes. One hour later, the tow company arrives, and I am frigid from the Spring snow and my toes are basically ready for amputation. (haha)

I drop my car off at Conrad’s. After an exponential amount of money is estimated to repair the said flat tire and the 800 other ailments my car is enduring, I finally make it to work two hours late.

I think it is safe so say, that once I am able to drive myself to the store today, after work, I fully intend on buying a bottle of wine, and neglecting all of my adult responsibilities FOR. THE. WEEK. I think I have maxed out on the necessary responsible behavior required for the next seven days, in the first two hours of today.

I am not sure if I am mad about this? Or if I am happy that I have an excuse to drink on a Monday?

 

You tell me!

 

 

 

The Grocery Store Nightmare

Tonight I ran into an old high school classmate, while grocery shopping. While in high school, the two of us shared maybe a total of ten words with one another. So, what happens when I see someone from my past who I have had almost zero contact with, in my lifetime?

I walk up to him and/or her, ask an indefinite amount of life questions, to which no one has any desire to share with me. Demand, at the very least, a ten minute conversation take place and then I finally allow him/her to walk away.

I am everyone’s worst grocery store run-in nightmare!

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It is a Wonder I Make Through a Day

Well, today I walked out of the fitting room at the mall with my shorts on inside out.

I wish I could say that this is the embarrassing part…

The shorts I am wearing are, of course, runners shorts, which means they have underwear built inside. So, I walked around the mall looking like I wore my underwear over my shorts and took a massive dump in my pants.

I wish I could say tha was the most embarassing part of the story…

The most embarassing part of this story is how long it took me to realize why I was so uncomfrtable.

Yup. It’s a wonder I make it through a day…

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NKOTB

When I was 7 years old, I sent New Kids on The Block a letter asking them to join me for my birthday, pool party style.

I never heard back.

Later that week, I heard on the news that the band had split up.

Now, twenty years later, those stunning specimen have reunited, and I am still holding on to the hope that they will respond to my birthday invitation. Until then, I will just continue to believe that my letter was lost in the mail, as I will never succumb to the idea that these magical unicorns did not want attend my prepubescent birthday bash!

A girl can dream.

Image result for new kids on the block

(OMG–I still swoon.)

 

#nkotb #wishfulthinking